A Blog About An Asian Medical Student. Yes that's redundant.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

What Ever Happened to David Poon


aka Whatever Happened to David Poon
aka Goodbye Class of 2010
aka What I Wish I Had Said; What I Want to Say Now
aka How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Poon
aka WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DAVID!?!?!?

It's hard disappearing. 

To convince everyone that you're gone. 

Any good magician makes it look easy. To be somewhere, then vanish as if your presence was as transient as their bunny rabbit's dignity. 

Course, the only magic I can do is with my charm. 

...

On the ladies.

notwithstanding my magic fingers.

...

In my cooking. 

to seduce the ladies.

With italics.

Damn did I miss the Poon Blog. 

Does anyone still read this? 

I don't think even my Mommy does. 

I mean, I haven't put anything up in months. 

Get it? 

Up.

...

Up.

It's funny. 

I'm hilarious.

See how effectively I use critical rhythm beats to my humour? 

It's so clever. 

...

Honestly, I should just address the plain issue that a majority of you are reading this because you haven't seen me in an upwards of 12 months and need some confirmation I'm still alive. 

Look, the Backstreet Boys are having (another) comeback tour, and since as long as there'll be music I'll be coming back again, it's a safe bet you'll have enough Poon in your system. 

Like if I was cooking for you without a hairnet. 

Hah!

I've rebuilt doyoubelieve.ca, and now, I promise, I'll be updating the Poon Blog regularly, with major updates Tuesday and Friday, alongside daily postings. I'll keep them organized in the Pages section on the sidebar. 

It's probably a coward's way out of explaining what's happened to me over the last little while. 

Since this is the Poon Blog, I'm obligated to say I'm Asian. Therefore, using broad stereotypical generalizations, I am yellow. 

And for old readers, I would be amiss if I didn't mention David Poon: And the Road to Medical School, the EPICALLY EPIC narrative I started almost three years ago. As my wonderfully most controversial set, it chronicles the difficulty of premed life, and I've since been adding in Ward Stories, what I feel to be a very personal viewpoint of a medical student finding a sense of self in the awe inspiring beauty of the hospital. 

Anyway, I'll be keeping it going. Despite the fact that every premed in existence hates it. 

And, well, every OTHER premed in existence wants me to finish the story. 

Also, starting Tuesday, I'll launch a new series, 'What Fiction Has Taught Me," which is my own take on how Disney movies, comic books, Saturday Morning Cartoons, and Pokemon have shaped me as a person. 

If you are a nerd, it is your DUTY to read that series. 


Most importantly, to my old friends, the ones I've neglected for so long. 

I am so sorry. I will see you soon. I just wasn't ready to say hello again. 

Let me start...

It's been three months that I've been hidden away from everyone.


One year since I've been updating my blog. 

18 months since my mom, the greatest doctor I know, had a heart attack.

Two years since I've been missing from my original med class the 2010s.

...

Two years since my father, a doctor, was initially charged with sexual assault. 

Two weeks until his trial begins. 

And just about the right time for me to stop disappearing. 

...

To half of you, nothing I've said is really new. You already knew about it, from the media, or from the grapevine. 

To the other half, you just saw me get up and leave one day. I've heard some of the rumours... kinda true, not really. 

Please, let me tell you the truth. 

I know it's been on the back of the minds of most everyone I've spoken to back home in Saskatchewan. The minute it was declared a criminal case against my father, it was on the front page of the paper, all over the news, and I even found a few forum postings online about the absurdity that a Dr. Poon was charged with sexual assault. 

Heck, the absurdity of my last name is what I build my entire damn comedy shtick on. 

But it's all changed. The whispers of every friend, relative, colleague I knew in my home province, though always feebly shielded from my ears, were on the tips of their tongues and on the back of their minds. 

It was something I couldn't talk about. 

Be it for shame, or insecurity, damned confusion, or sheer debilitation, I simply could not talk about it. 

And every friend, relative, colleague I knew in my home province did their best to comfort me in their own special way. 

But...

I wasn't home. 

I was studying in Alberta, in Edmonton. 

Where the news wasn't public. 

Where no one knew. 

Where I couldn't possibly express myself. 

Where I was alone in my own dissonance. 

And I couldn't tell a soul. 

...

Today, my classmates of the 2010 class graduated. They are all doctors now. Four years ago, I began with them, 19 years old and doing everything at once. 

As time went on, and the background problems in my personal life began to surmise, I became increasingly pessimistic, jaded with the difficulties I was beginning to face. 

I coped with erraticism. 

And that is the David Poon my Alberta colleagues got to know me by. 

A new friend I got to know told me yesterday that "I knew about you David, before I even met you."

"How is that so?"

"Well, I was walking in the med sci building and two medical students were talking about you, your comedy, stuff like that."

"That's nice, what did they say?"

"Um."

"Hm?"

"Essentially some people think you're a complete idiot. Other people think you're a genius."

Honestly?

^-_-^

After the criminal accusations against my father went public, there was a very difficult period for my family regarding lawyers, accountants, and honestly every facet of my life was put under scrutiny - what worked got tested, what didn't work got destroyed. 

It was painful. It was horrific. I was lost. 

Later that year my mom had a heart attack. 

In one of the six clinics my parents owned, from the stress of the work. 

I was in Edmonton, alone. 

I'd like to tell you that I knew how to cope. I want to state, "I was strong enough to deal."

My parents divorced shortly after - my mom's health in suspense, my father's name under fire, the family business dissipating as my family broke apart. 

I want to write that, "I figured out how to put it all together. I learned how to manage healthily."

By that time of my life, I was in a relationship with someone I can confidently say I felt a bond with I have never had in my life. For two an a half years, I confided and felt for her in a manner I never believed I was capable of. 

I took out my angst, my pain, my contempt on her. An innocent Soul in my own corrupt perversion of life. I pushed her away when I needed to be close. I've never had my heart broken before, and I split my own in mad frustration. 

I want to say, "I did what I could. I made the best decisions I could."

I still don't know what I would say. 


Somewhere along the line, I left medical school. The MD I worked my entire adult life for, put on hold as I attempted to react to a world I simply wasn't prepared for. 

Naturally I learned to cope with the one skill I felt was worth anything. My humour. 

Some people just don't think I'm funny. 

I'm okay with that. 

I just hope that before I am written off as a nonsense complete idiot - that maybe the benefit of the doubt can be given that there is a reason I have been the way I am. 

A medical student advisor told me that "People can have crisises in life. They learn to deal with them. But you David, you had multiple really significant problems in a very short time span."

Another faculty member told me "I'm surprised you're still standing."

I tried. I really tried. 

...

I did not graduate with an MD today. 

And I like to think, someone noticed. I like to wonder, which of my classmates remembered I wasn't there. 

And I look over my messages over the past two years, over all the e-mails I never replied to, the texts I never returned, and the calls I never picked up. 

And it kills me that I never explained myself. 

In two weeks, my father goes to trial. Publicly. All the secrets of my family's pains will rear their ugly head.

In two days, I will go to the 2010 graduation and see my colleagues that I have avoided one last time. 

In brief, I will reappear. 

To my beloved Tenderloins, the University of Alberta MD Class of 2010;

I miss you. 

Please pass this blog link to anyone you think might care. 

Because I don't want to spend our last night lamenting pains of the past. I don't want to waste time explaining my problems, and you patiently listening, when the music is inviting, and the slideshow is warming. 

I want to reflect on the people we are, and the memories we share. 

And I'm ready to share some of mine with you. 

For all the unanswered questions, I am ready to restart the Poon Blog. Over the past year, in my struggle, I forgot the joy I had in writing. I neglected my own delights, and worse, fulminated my own grief in some bizarre requiem for my own happiness.

I think I will put that to rest now. The dead, after all, are to be buried. Life is for the living. 

I know a countless number of you have kindly given me your ears if I need to talk about it. I know I have no shortage of support when I need a friend. 

I just wasn't ready. 

Perhaps an equal number of you are just glad I'm finally addressing the issue of my father's case. I mean, me avoiding the subject was a little eerie in itself. 

Let's reconnect guys. Let's pick up and start fresh. New lives, new perspectives, new futures. 

It seems appropriate, that I reintroduce myself. 

...

Hello, my name is David Edward-Ooi Poon. Edward is named after my father. Ooi is my Mommy's maiden name. 

I'm a medical student. I'm really proud of that, cause I worked really hard. I've worked my entire life to be a doctor, and I am going to change the face of Environmental Medicine in this country. 

I'm going to take a break from med school for a little while, until my father's impending criminal court case is relatively settled. 

It's been a hard past couple of years. 

Though, it's also been pretty amazing. 

Over the past two years, I've been in Kenya doing water filtration, and in China doing Traditional Chinese Medicine. I've brought bomb calorimeters through international airports (without bribes!) and did my first real stand up comedy show at the West Edmonton Mall. 

I was a Rhodes Scholar Finalist twice, and was published by the Lancet - I learned to make biryani and food poisoned my little sister. 

I built my own Macintosh computer, and I broke a real Macintosh. 

I played video games. Without guilt. 

I competed in national business competitions. I won a few awards. Got thousands of dollars into debt. Figured out that being president of a dying business is still heartbreakingly awesome. 

I invented a game. I copyrighted a learning tool. And I think I taught a few kids something, halfway through yelling at me. 

I got a bachelors degree. 

I helped a couple premeds. And hey, to be fair - they're meds now. 

I got ALOT of premeds pissed off at me. 

I applied to law school, and realized I should be in med.

I learned to vent, and I learned to heal. 

I neglected my best friends. I remembered my best friends. 

I learned the bro code, and I learned that I have brothers where blood gave me none.

I lost my mentor. I found strength in myself. 

I learned to love. I learned to truly, passionately, love without feeling loved back. 

I learned that love changes. And that I was wrong when I felt unloved. 

I became patient. I became a patient. I learned to treat a patient. 

I mastered puns!

I realized the importance of family. The responsibilities of being an older brother to the unconditional devotion of an incredible younger sister. The unshakable, cherished bond between a mother and son, unwavering in tides of struggle or turmoil. The respect for a father. 

I stopped lamenting what I didn't have. And stood in humble appreciation in knowing what I always did have. 

In the past two years, I remembered that I am David Poon, and that is nothing to be ashamed about. I can forgo the self deprecation, and build on realistic self critique. I can do away with my endless need to be liked, and quite honestly, be confident without the need to justify myself to perceived judges. 

My responsibilities to others are not indicative of my responsibilities to their faults. My values are my own. My choices are my own. My consequences, my passions, my life. 

I want to be a doctor. I know that without a doubt now. 



When I return to medical school, I promise, I will be more dedicated and focused to the health of the human condition than ever before. 

Heh. 

I may be so bold to say that I'll be as dedicated to medicine as a premed.

Heh... get it? Bold to say it?? But in ITALICS!?!?!?!?

I'm freaking hilarious. 

...

It's hard disappearing. 

It's even harder reappearing. 

Where does a magician go when he's gone? Is he really gone or is he just unseen? 

What do we know, and does it make sense? What don't we know, and what are we missing?

In the time we see nothing, are we so focused on what isn't, that we forget to imagine what is? 

There, in these moments of apprehension, uncertainly, while we speculate of desolation and tragedy, we also wonder of hope, aspirations, and most surprisingly, theories of what exactly is happening in the background. To reassure us. To comfort us. And to give us some peace that there may in fact be some reasoning to the absurd.

The audience knows what's going to happen in the end. Whoever disappeared is obviously going to come back. 

However, 

and this is important;

any good magician will tell you that the most critical part of a disappearing act...

is in the reveal. 

...

These are my stories. 

I want to share them with you.

Take a seat, please; I'm not leaving anytime soon.

I just got back. 

- David

13 comments:

  1. David, I can't imagine how hard these past years must have been for you, given the challenges that you faced. Good on you for letting everyone know with such an impeccably well written blog,and glad to have you back!
    Domke

    ReplyDelete
  2. David,

    I have always and continue to admire your bravery. Yes, you make jokes. But sometimes you also say what you really think and that is a truly rare quality. There are things I did not ask because I knew you would talk about them when you were ready, I am glad to see you're starting to talk now. I have always considered you a great friend, though you may not remember why. I believe in you David Poon. We will talk again soon, old friend.

    I am, yours most sincerely,
    AGM

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great posting. It's nice to have you back Poon, though I take issue with one aspect of your recent posting - I believe true mastery of puns is not possible, though one may hone their craft through lifelong practice, regardless of how it may punish one's friends.

    See you Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've missed you.
    We have the same sense of humor and had some great laughs.
    Great to see you back.
    You owe me a dance on Sunday.

    Lali

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear David,

    I miss you. I have thought about you several times while you were gone - Chris and I have talked about you, hoped for you, wished you well in our hearts on your journey through whatever it was that troubled you, and tried to be there for you without probing.

    You do inspire me and I know that you are a smart (genius, I have always said!), funny, honest, sincere, genuine, unique gentleman and after reading this blog I am very impressed with your strength, courage and ability to get through what many people would not be able to. I am even more awed with you! I wish I had your strength! I've had my own family problems that were on the verge of causing my own hiatus from medical school for a year but with the support of my friends (many of them from our wonderful class of 2010!) I was able to find myself and some answers. I hope you have the same support and love here in Edmonton, a city you are not originally from, and that you continue to use this network - including me! - if you need to do so. I'm here for several more years so I hope you choose to keep in touch with Chris and I!

    From an adoring fan,

    Daze

    ReplyDelete
  6. We definitely noticed you weren't there, not just yesterday but the whole time.
    I can't wait to see you tomorrow!
    Agata

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think you are fabulous. Just utterly fabulous.
    Christine

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good luck with everything David!! I look forward to being your resident ;)

    Caroline

    ReplyDelete
  9. David, I am so proud of you - these past few years have been so tough for you and it's true what they said - how u stayed standing is incredible. Thank you for sharing your story with me and I want you to know med school would not have been the same without you. I look forward to the day you graduate with an MD!!!
    Take care and see u tommorow,
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  10. Fortune favors the bold.

    I'm assuming we are not bold, as we were struck with the Karmic Un-Fortune of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

    Saw Sabretooth today. I'll keep him away from the other students at Xavier's. Chin up, old boy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm glad you're back David. That was a great post and I gotta say quite inspiring. I'm not sure how you made it this far given everything that has happened.

    I haven't known you for very long but I was around when some of the events were unfolding. I must say that I am sorry that I didn't offer as much support as I could have. I admit, I was a bit afraid to get too close but I should have offered more. I wasn't being as good of a team member as I should've been. I'm sorry David but I"m glad to see you are doing better.

    ReplyDelete
  12. So, what are you doing now, stranger?
    -Anon

    ReplyDelete
  13. You don't know me... I was there when you were born - I was having my own son, and your mom got the private room LOL - I had to share another. Later, your mom became our doctor and your father treated my mother in law with dignity and for our part was a valued doctor of our family member.
    We have thought of your family often these past years with great sorrow for the publicity such things bring. Life is tough enough and sometimes ugly enough without being under the microscopic eye of the all knowing public. It heartens us to know that you have struggled and emerged... "Luctor et Emergo" .
    I am sure you will make a wonderful Doctor... your strength is amazing.

    ReplyDelete

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