A Blog About An Asian Medical Student. Yes that's redundant.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

David Poon and the Road to Medical School: Pit Stop

David Poon and the Road to Medical School: Pit Stop

DISCLAIMER: My blog drips of sarcasm and offbeat, attempted humour. If you dislike amateur comedians, um... how did you get here!? Also, no one loves me. Keep the comments coming!

(continued from

Prologue: Premeds

Part One: Asian Fail

NOTE: This post is out of continuity in regards to the epic 4 part (plus prologue) literary opus that is 'David Poon and the Road to Medical School' - it's simply set up to show non meds how the system works.

Also, I am now officially a blogger. I've posted this series (from my original Facebook series) at:


... so people who are not my Facebook friends can read. As mentioned, the series is supposed to share my perspective on how I got into medicine so it may benefit someone who currently is looking to get in, or colleagues who want to share a laugh. I should explain that more. I posted a link on:


... cause I thought people might like it.

Wow, was I wrong.

Readers, I'm officially a blogger now because I have HATE MAIL! Browse through the above couple links to see all of it, but my personal favorite bump on the head is:

"I would never want you to be my doctor."

Another choice piece:

"Your blog is the biggest piece of bullshit on the internet."

ON THE INTERNET! What a compliment!! Literally millions of different sites, pages, blogs, pornos, bullshit sites, pages, blogs, and pornos, and MINE is the biggest!!! I'm such a web celebrity.

You really got to read those. Seriously. While you're there, I'd love it if you could defend my honour. Or continue to flame me...

I'm good at being flaming.

So now I'm feeling sad today. Medicine made me sad today. Are you guys enjoying this at all? The Internets, they hates me.

Thank you for all the great comments, they're really something special.)

At this point, I get into the finer, dirtier details of the application process to get into medical school. Premeds know it inside and out (much unlike their knowledge of girls), but reasonable people haven't studied the process as intently (obsessively?).

Relax, I'm one of the nerds too. I'm writing this up all by memory.

Medical schools across the country have separate criteria for entrance, but most follow some basic principals:

1) Academic component. Get high marks in a certain number of required classes, plus non required classes. Can be done through studying or bribes (I prefer sexual favours). Usually requires students to complete at least a bachelor's degree. Easy, since dating as a premed is impossible. Get it? Bachelor's. I'm hilarious.

2) Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT). Cut off your testicles, you won't need them for the ball crushing 8 hour behemoth of an exam that takes advantage of you and makes you smile about it. Assesses your biology, physics, verbal reasoning (ie. guesswork) skills, as well as the ability to write constructive arguments. Only allowed to be written at certain times of the year, like seasonal changes. That want to kill you.

3) Essay/Personal Profile/Application Questions. Some sort of written assessment of who you are. In my case, I wrote the phrase “I was a cheerleader.” Seriously!

4) Interview. Kind of like real job interviews, but far less controlled back in my day. Now the med school interviews are a variant of speed dating. 9 minutes in a room with one person. No one talks about what happens in there. I'm guessing it's very sexy, hopefully resulting in an increase of beautiful people in the classes to come.

And finally there are international medical schools, where there is an additional criterion: Incredible Wealth. We're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars buy the end of it all.

There are three schools in Canada that accept students into medical school after 2 years of undergrad: University of Alberta (in Edmonton), University of Saskatchewan (in Saskatoon), and the University of Calgary (in Guelph I think). Quebec raised students can also go to Quebec schools in that amount of time, but they have some creepy French grade 13 system that requires you to choose if you want to learn math OR English for the rest of your life. Explains the number of people working at coffee shops.

Also explains the competition.

I came to the UofS with something like a 96 average in grade 11 and a 94 in grade 12. Which means shit all nothing, cause high school grades are like a balloon – full of hot air and wayyyy too inflated. Anyone who tells you they had a 90 percent average in high school was very good at one thing: talking. “Talking” to teachers to get higher marks they “deserve,” every time it was below a 90. That sort of thing. Or they are phenomenal cheaters. I'm kinda in both camps.

Those I went to school with may remember I never talked about my marks. I thought it was stupid that people judged you by them. But the reason I mention them now is because numbers are an essential part to the competitive spirit. In sports, your numbers decide on who wins. In curling, your numbers decide who gets free Tim Hortons. Or free Hearts, or something.

In medicine, your numbers decide who gets in. I assume most premeds have taken out their calculators by now to figure out their average.

The constant obsessing over averages can be seen in this commonplace scenario:

(Guy sits alone on kitchen table, calculator in one hand. On table are his report cards since grade 7. In his other hand is a glass of Sunny D.)

“Okay, if I get 87 percent on my chem final, I'll get a...

(tick tick tick tick)

... 93.15 in the class, which would bring my overall average to a...

(tick tick tick tick)

... 92.266 if you count my first maths, dropping my third lowest mark. But that means on my English final I can only get...

(tick tick tick tick)

... three questions wrong, but luckily I did the bonus assignment which I probably got only a half mark off because I copied off of David Poon and he sleeps with the teacher, so...

(tick tick tick tick)

... I'll have a high enough average to pick up chicks in the bar! Hey baby, you can call me 95.6! Hey, 95.6 rhymes with chicks!! I'M A GENIUS!!!”

'Tick tick tick tick' can also be the sound of his girlfriend's ovarian clock as her fertile time slowly fades away in a pile of bright cover pages and bibliographies.

Good form of birth control though. Guess premeds are kinda smart.

- David

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Project David Doesn't Sleep: Days 1 - 3

Continues from the start

(will add more later)

November 7th 2005

PDDS: Day One
Luckily, since I went to the Social Code concert last night and didn't get alot of sleep, I was fairly tired and was able to nap for about an hour and a half at about 13:30. I hope I'll be tired enough later on to sleep at 11 PM... I'm used to about nineteen awesome hours of staring into darkness before bed. I guess I'll just sleep listening to Good Charlotte to compensate.

It is November 7th and I am alive.

- David

This might be fun.

Comments --------------------------

November 08 12:14:53 AM
David, I think you should listen to reality, and not be crazy! Sleep is good. . .you need it. . .beauty sleep. . .really, you do!


November 8th 2005
PDDS: Day Two
Dear People of the World:

I, David Poon, am a phenomenal failure. While I did sleep between 13:30 - 15:00 on Nov 7th as expected, I completely missed my 22:00 sleep deadline. I stayed up till around 3:00, at which point I ate all the mint chocolate chip ice cream in my condo (seriously) in order to drown my sorrow, suffocating me into sweet unconsciousness.

If that was the low point of Day Two, I would have considered myself lucky.

I completely missed my wake up call and slept till about eight. At which point I realized I was almost late for my hair appointment with an Asian hair stylist. I had no idea where he works, so I started my morning screaming and running into my sexy minivan. Too bad it had snowed.

If that was the low point of Day Two, I wouldn't be so destroyed.

As it turns out, I didn't get the Asian hairstylist. The one time I wanted to SEE an Asian guy, I didn't get one. One billion of them in the world, and my stylist was a Caucasian woman who told me that I had to rid myself of toxins by applying 'essential oils' to my sweat glands... which are apparently part of my lymph system? My LYMPH SYSTEM?

If that was the strangest part of Day Two, I wouldn't be listening to Simple Plan.

After she convinced me to have a pedicure, I rushed to class. Did I fall asleep? Maybe. But I'm not telling my prof that. Whoa - I just realized I have to write a quiz tomorrow... good thing I no longer sleep or I'd freak out.

If that was the low point of Day Two, I wouldn't be quoting Simple Plan.

Speaking of academic evaluations, today I got the lowest midterm mark I have ever received in my Physiological Psych class. It's a good thing I have THE GREATEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL AND MOST COMPASSIONATE AND MOST UNDERSTANDING PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR IN THE WORLD (who I gave my blog address to...)

If that was the low point of Day Two, then five hours of computer Java program must be orgasmic.

At around 18:00 today, I volunteered in my group, the 'Student Health Initiatives Program' to write a paper for the campus to read, regarding health problems among students. I chose sleep deprivation. Look for it around the UofS campus in three weeks.

I fell asleep in the computer lab from 19:00 - 19:30.

It is November 8th and I bought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD.

- David

This is going to be harder than I thought.

Comments --------------------------

November 09 12:53:06 AM
wasnt leaonardo a crack head? that probably helped with the lack of sleep- or was that Froud, ya hes the cracked out the guy...sleeps overrated anyways ;)

November 09 12:07:23 AM
Why do I even read this; David your outrageous ignorance runs so deep that it makes me want to cry.

November 08 10:10:50 PM
Wow... Sounds like fun


November 10th 2005

PDDS: Day Three
I'd like to be optimistic, but it's not looking good.

I missed my 22:00 naptime. I didnt' black out till about 3:30, and yes, got up about five horus later. It looks like my body is adjusting to five hours of sleep, which is nice, but two hours too many. Three, one hour naps, is the key.

Indeed, I woke up to be late for class. So I figured I'd just skip. It was good though, because I could have breakfast, which ws actually supposed to be my 4 AM snack - grilled salmon and miso soup. READ: THAW SALMON BEFORE GRILLING.



Additional to that healthy breakfast, I dosed myself with an equally nutritious rush of energy drink. I didn't bother reading the brand, but it had the word 'MONSTER' on it.... Waking up with a monster? No different than a night at the Scuz.


Thanks to that little pick-me up, I was awake for most of the day. However, as usual, my uni day was harder than Roman Polanski at a kindergarten class. Linux is the bane of my existence, and I can't program worth S'toon water. Yes, I know I'm Asian. I can't do Kung Fu either.

I had my friend drive my sexy minivan home while I did programming on the laptop. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes at approximately 20:00.

It is November 9th yet I'm posting this blog on November 10th.

- David

It's been a rough week.

Comments --------------------------

November 10 4:32:12 PM
What did I tell you david? Why don't you listen to me?